Sizing up the Competition...

How to Size Up the Competition : The Triathlete.


Tonight, I will begin to explain how you can assess your chances against your triathlete foes.

Clothes Fit

The type and tightness of the tri-wear give you a good indication of the relative confidence of your opponent:

speedo only : If the dude is only wearing speedo's -- ie, -- too large for a 2 piece or tri suit. He knows he's not at the top of his game but he might be good in swim. Plan to destroy this triathlete on the bike.

2 piece kit or tri suit fitting: You don't need me to tell you what this means. This is a person who has earned his physique and has shaved legs too. All you can hope for is that he earned it in the gym, or the swim or he is tri-gay guy.See leg clue.

Loose fitting jersey , but now looks uncomfortably nervous: Oh, that's newbie-tribie with hairy legs doing relay. Don't worry, he's no threat to you.

Sponsor branding: This is complex. Bike or Tri clothes with sponsor branding can mean different things on different people

Full Team branded Tri Suit on a guy with hairy legs: This person read a blog about Triathlon about the valour of triathlon yesterday and watched the Tour De France yesterday too, whereupon he decided to "get into" cycling AND Triathlon. He has money to spend, but no biking skills whatsoever. Pass him at 45 kmh while drinking from your bottle bottoms up...

Full team branded tri suit on a guy with shaved legs: Could mean trouble. He's clearly a phycholis, and cares enough about cycling that he probably rides plenty. Going to have to go to secondary clues: leg definition , evidence of a spare tire, suntan pattern, bike clues but that another story.

Race / Event branding: This is helpful only if you know the circumstances under which the tri-jersey can be obtained. If it's a tri-jersey you can obtain at Taman Megah or DU, it means your opponent likes shopping, or window shopping. If the tri-jersey can only be obtained by finishing -- or worse, winning -- a race, you may have a serious race on your hands.

No branding whatsoever: Hard to determine. This is clearly a guy who is new or likes to go stealth so that you feel that much worse when he rogers you at 45kmh .Again look for secondary clues.

Legs: Evaluate his tan, his hairiness, and his quads and calves.Again Secondary clue with out without sock.A big indicator.

Tan = trouble. But check where the tan starts and ends. If he's tan right up to the bike shorts line but not beyond, and his quads are the tannest part of his body,see arms are a good indicator too then you've got a real cyclist on your hands. If his forehead has a strange tanning pattern on it that suddenly makes sense when he puts on his helmet and glasses, this spells Danger with a capital D.

Shaved legs = serious cyclist. Why do shaved legs matter? Because they mean he's made a commitment to cycling. They also mean he's vain, because the purpose of shaved legs is to increase the visibility of your leg muscle definition.

Leg definition and size: Do check the size and cut of his quads and calves. If he's just cut, you can probably take him on the flats. If he's just big, you can get him on the climbs. If he's both, just try to draft.

Blinkers: NO ONE USE blinker or reflector on a Triathlon.Clearly,he ain't serious.

Bike and accessories clues : Finally, Check on tell tale indicators of torn-off sticker and residual gums at the seat post. If it has high build-up or gum line .Its confirmed your looking at one who had many race numbers.See clue indicator on the helmet also.And if he noticed you checking his bike out, you just snobbishly say this " i thought your saddle rails are carbon fiber..Then walk away"

Blog Indicator: More Race or Event date's then GOOGLE ADSENSE ADVERT! A GOOD SIGN your competitor is resting his legs while exercising his 10 speed shifting fingers.







Note: this article is label under HUMOUR with complete disregard for accuracy or truth, if you still aint grinning yet just click "BACK".

at Wednesday, July 11, 2007  

2 comments:

petitemeehoon said... Thu Jul 12, 04:13:00 PM 2007  

wow, do we have to observe all this? how about clothless? hihi

Stupe said... Tue Jul 24, 06:00:00 PM 2007  

good one la. good one.

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